You Know You Are a Ho When

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A HO WHEN:

When people say "Ho, Ho, Ho" and it's July.
Your baby looks familiar, but......like who?
You become a Vaseline spokesperson.
You go through a Sealy mattress a week.
Frederik (of Hollywood) actually comes to your door himself...just to see where 1/2 of his orders go.
When you don't know "What's his name?"
When they change your phone # to 976.
Tetracycline is your best friend.
McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal".
Changing your sheets comes more than once a day.
When they call you "Shazam" and they don't mean the money machine!
When getting dressed is not part of your day.
Your day starts and ends by rolling over.
When your screams are heard over a fire alarm.
When you're wearing more latex than spandex.
When your ceiling mirrors fog.
When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.
When you have a neon sign saying "open all night".
You want to have your name changed to Misty.
Madonna comes to you for pointers.
You start to think of yourself as Smurfette.
You haven't seen your floor in a week.
When sunlight scares you.
When your favorite quote is "next please".
When Guinness Book starts calling.
When every song reminds you of someone...but who?
When everyone is refers to you as "dear" and "honey".
When he doesn't even have to buy you a drink.
When Holiday Inn is coming after you for their linen.
Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.
The only place you haven't had sex is on the moon.
When a men's prison becomes a vacation "hot spot"
When the Red Cross turns their head at you.
When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.
When other women begin to call you "Man's Best Friend".
You and Prince have already made 3 records.
When the neighbors want you to install a drive up window.

You've been a dancer in a hip-hop video.
Wonder where Britney goes for waxing.

You think Mariah Carey dresses "cute".
When you already own the outfit below in 3 different colors.